just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Randomize
