btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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