I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
