I want to make a zoo with you.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
