Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize