my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
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