Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
