He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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