WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
