so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
