Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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