I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
