Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
