the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
