So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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