I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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