Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
