you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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