It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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