you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
