He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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