I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
