oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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