Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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