Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
