i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
