If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
