So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
