apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
