I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
