This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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