Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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