just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
