This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
