OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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