I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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