OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
