So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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