Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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