Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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