even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize