I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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