I feel great
I just peed on a car
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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