i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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