She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He shit in the fireplace
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
