...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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