People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
