Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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