Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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