that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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