he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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