just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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