Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
