i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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