you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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