my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
