It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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