no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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