I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
