i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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