This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
