It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
