The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
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I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
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AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize