haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
