KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
