My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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