Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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