my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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