Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
